The first thing I ever remember buying for my mum when I was a little girl was a fridge magnet that said "if mothers were flowers I'd pick you." I thought it was a lovely thing to say to my mum, as she was the best mum ever and if I could choose from all the flowers in the whole world, I'd still go and pick her all over again.
Over the years, I've realised that it's a very over-used saying, that it's rather trite and a bit of a cliché. But at the time, it meant something to me (and I hope it meant something to my mum).
At the moment, there are a ton of Mother's Day gifts on display everywhere, with lots of similar sentiments. But the one that really bugs me is the one that says "mums are like buttons - they hold everything together."
Now, I don't have anything against buttons. I don't suffer from koumpounophobia (the fear of buttons: yes it is a real thing; yes I do know someone who has it; no it's not me).
Buttons are very useful things - they're functional, sometimes nicely decorated, and full of holes. And while those are all good things for buttons to be, if anyone said any of those things about me, I'd be pretty annoyed. A button is not a particularly good thing to be compared with.
And yes, I know, you're not supposed to take it that literally. It's a metaphor, about how good mums are at holding things together.
But you know what? Mums do a lot of things. Mums are a lot of things. And of all the things that mums do and that mums are, "holding stuff together" is not the one I'd pick to be complimented on - never mind having it on a plaque to put on display and have to see every day.
Mums can be loving.
Mums can be kind.
Mums can be silly.
Mums can be funny.
Mums can be tough.
Mums can be selfless.
Mums can have a career.
Mums can have a vocation.
Mums can run a business from home.
Mums can give up their dreams for their kids.
Mums can live their dreams through their kids.
Mums are teachers.
Mums are nurturers.
Mums are agony aunts.
Mums are nurses.
Mums are taxi drivers.
Mums are friends.
Mums are amazing.
Mums are....
I could go on and on. Mums are a lot of things. Is the one message you want to send to your mum on Mother's Day really "you're good at organising stuff"?
And is this what we're reducing motherhood to? Never mind that mums are people with their own lives, dreams and ambitions. Never mind that dads can play just as key roles in the running of the family and the household. Never mind that it's reinforcing the stereotype that mums belong in the home.
I think we're so used to seeing these sayings everywhere we look that we've stopped thinking about what they mean. "Aw that's sweet" we think, because it looks pretty on a plaque, especially if there are buttons making a pretty pattern next to it. But comparing mums to buttons is surely ludicrous. It's patronising to suggest that a mum's life, purpose and being can be reduced to a functional (if sometimes pretty) little item like a button.
Aren't our mums much, much more than that? Don't they deserve something a little more heartfelt, more personal? Shouldn't we find something, ANYthing more respectful to say than "you remind me of a button"?
So please, this Mother's Day, think of something nicer to say to your mum.
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My business, Gecko Fabric Art, offers a range of beautifully made quilted items which can be customised to your requirements with bespoke appliqué designs. Mug rugs, notebook covers, wall hangings, cushions, Kindle cases, make up bags and more, each made from scratch just for you with a design created just for you. I'm always delighted to discuss custom creations, so please do get in touch if there are any gifts you need help with!
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jenny@GeckoFabricArt.co.uk
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